Journey: Mixing it Up…

Posted: 04.13.2010 in journey
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I have been utilizing this space to basically create initial drafts of things that I have been thinking about, as an initial step towards revealing a deeper aspect of myself. In school, I have been engaging with lots of psychological and theological concepts.  Talking with others, reading, thinking and observing things in culture and media around me.  One of my struggles is that I am prone towards keeping my own counsel rather than inviting conversation, towards choosing my own thoughts rather than my own feelings, and towards surviving rather than living.

One of the significant outcomes of this reality is the way that my relationship with God has suffered.  In the midst of these particular struggles, which combined with coming to terms about some stuff in regards to my family of origin, I have shut Jesus out of my life and heart in significant ways.  I am working through a lot of anger and some of that is infiltrating the way I (don’t) engage with God.  I learn stuff, I think about stuff, but I do not take said stuff into the presence of the loving Trinity who has been so kind to me.  I find it easy in seminary to end up like the Pharisees and the Sadducees who were frustrated with what Jesus was saying or doing, but never actually took those things to Him and engaged.  They grumbled with each other  and their anger and self-righteousness and frustration turned murderous.  And all of that separated them from the life-giving relationship that Jesus was always offering to them.

So, I am working on engaging things a little differently.  I am going to add some new dimensions here.  I am starting to reinvigorate my spiritual life with Lectio Divina, starting with the gospel of St. John.  So, please pray for me as I stop separating myself from God in the midst of my anger and sadness and hurt.  As I post some of my deeper journey, I pray that it will bless and challenge and encourage you in yours.

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